I'm just not used to this.

I've been in college for about a year now and it is kicking my butt. I'm used to high school and in high school we get breaks and summers and random days off. In college its term, few days off, next term- and it's kicking my butt. I've decided to take a leave of absence from Kaplan, mainly so I can attempt to find work so Kyle and I don't begin to stress about money at such a young age, but also so I don't start to falter even more with my school work. The beginning of my first term I was excited and so motivated, but now I'm starting to struggle with focusing and I know that isn't who I am. I've never had problems getting my work done, and I sure as heck am not used to turning in work late. So I have definitely decided I need a break even though it will take longer for me to get my degree, I would rather take more time than lose more of my sanity.

Teenage Romance is Dead

I moved to Oregon, far far away from everything I've always known in Arizona, and the main reason I moved was my boyfriend. I sometimes think he forgets everything I've given up to be here, including my brother, my friends, holiday traditions, actually being able to go out when I want, and my great job! I love Kyle to death but he doesn't always appreciate the fact that I clean, cook, and basically spoil him like crazy. I don't really ask for much but when I do I feel like I should be able to get it, even if it's something as simple as just watching tv for a night.

Today has definitely been tough on us, I've been extremely sick the past few days so I haven't been much fun and I haven't really wanted to do much. We had to do laundry all day long which made us both a bit grumpy towards each other and we've snapped for a few stupid things after that too! This is the most frustrated we have gotten with each other since we've been together. When I was younger I never understood how someone could start to distance themselves and fall out of love with someone they  once felt so passionately for. Now, I can see how things like that may happen, relationships are SO much work!! I love Kyle, he truly is my best friend in the world he just really needs to start to listen more and maybe even appreciate everything I am doing and have done for him. I know I'm at fault with a few things myself and I'm definitely working on them, I just need to make sure I'm not the only one making an effort.

Love and Heartbreak.

Heartbreak has always amazed me in many ways, people let others devastate them and take everything away from them oh so very easily! I've been in love twice, once with a guy I dated for two years and now with Kyle my current boyfriend. I've broken up with many boys and I've been broken up with too but whatever happened I'm still great friends with all of my ex's no hard feelings at all! I can understand how people can care for so much and having them slip away may hurt, but instead of thinking how they lost someone they should focus on the new adventures life has in store for them! I truly believe that every person has a soul mate and that fate will bring them together in the oddest of ways. Don't focus on how difficult it's going to be after a break up, don't focus on the good things of that relationship. Instead, think of all the things that went wrong and why it might have been a dead end relationship, think of the sad times and it'll be a lot easier to move on! I honestly have issues comprehending why people let emotions consume them so easily, I've never been heartbroken so I really don't understand it. I also don't understand how people can be depressed when everything in the world is so beautiful! It's really amazing how harmoniously the world works together to survive.

Christmas time!!

My favorite holiday, my favorite time of year, my favorite absolute everything! It seems like everything about this time of year (except for the cold weather) is just absolutely amazing. The foods incredible, hot chocolate has candy cane in it, everything is decorated and everyone just seems nicer and happier. I'm a usually happy person but once Christmas time comes around I get twice as cheery. The only downside is since I'm in Oregon I can't really spend the holidays with my family. So the one thing I requested from Kyle was we get our own tree for our apartment so it feels more like home! This will be the very first Christmas I have ever spent away from my mom and even though we fight I still love her and it's tough to be away from her. I'm not so sure if Kyle really wants a tree but that doesn't change the fact I want one. He kind of figures that since we're spending the night at his moms we don't need to decorate or get a tree or anything but to me it's more than that. I want to bring the spirit of Christmas in my own home so I can be happier here and feel better about not being with my own family this year.

Nightmares

So lately I've been having the goriest, scariest and most terrifying nightmares ever! I'm not really sure why but they suck. I tend to dream probably more than the average person and they've always been vivid and realistic along with really odd! Most of the time they make some sense along with what's going on in my life but ever since I've moved to Oregon they make no sense and are just absolutely horrendous! I don't think I should really go into details on the gory parts but the last one I had I was practically in tears. It makes me wonder if there's a reason or some deep meaning as to why they've been so off balance. It could be the one in a while scary movie, but even in my scary movie phase when I was younger they've never been this bad! Then I think maybe it could be stress, then I remember that I'm not really a stressed person no matter whats going on. Well all I know is they need to leave me alone so I can sleep!!

Ex-boyfriends and Ex-friends!

Before I met Kyle I dated a guy named Wilhelm, we had dated for two years and he was pretty darn set on us having a fairy tale ending. He actually moved in with me and my family six months after we were dating despite my young age. Things got a bit crazy between us and he became consumed with things I wasn't interested in and hung out with friends I honestly couldn't stand! After a while of unhappiness I broke up with him, because I am not the type to live MY life if I am unhappy in any way! He took it way harder than I thought, to this day he has completely changed from a happy, love life, goal orientated person to pretty much not caring about anything! The fact that he was such a big part of my life for so long makes it tough to handle it. To top it off my "friend" tries to get back at me by making him like her then dropping him the first chance she got. I really don't understand why people have to be so sneaky! I just wish I knew a way to wear he was happy again because he is one of my best friends and deserves better treatment than he's been getting from everyone he knows. Thank goodness Kyle, my current boyfriend, is as understanding as he is so I can talk Wilhelm down when he's really upset! The whole fact that I can still be friends with my ex without Kyle freaking out shows me that there really are mature guys out there that are actually worth my time!

Distance

Distance, this one word has haunted me so terribly over the past couple of years. It seems as if the people I love most are always so far away. I live in Oregon, my dad lives in Nevada, my mom and brother live in Arizona, and my best friends live in Minnesota. It's so frustrating wanting to have everyone I love near me and yet they're always so far away, then again it seems as if I always want to be somewhere I'm not. When I was in Minnesota I wanted to be in Nevada, when I was in Nevada I wanted to be in Arizona, when I was in Arizona I wanted to be in Oregon. Maybe I should learn to be content with how wonderful my life is right now. I have a great boyfriend, we have a great apartment and awesome friend here! We might get a kitten and things have just been all around great!

Bring on the Rain

I lived in Arizona from birth until this last September after I turned 18. Sunshine, weeds, and desert is all I know so being in Oregon where it rains so much is so exciting! I love the way the cold air and rain drops fall coolly upon my skin and tickle my nose. I love the way grass looks so much greener and the earth so much cleaner after it rains. I love cuddling into a big blanket with hot chocolate, watching the rain fall and listening to it's rhythmic patterns. In my eyes rainfall is one of the earths most beautiful gifts that most people take for granted. The mellow coolness of a cloudy sky and misty air is so relaxingly magnificent. Falling asleep while the rain dances on the window is one of my all time favorite things to experience.

Job Searching in New Territory!

Ok so I moved in to the new apartment, I'm all ready and comfortable here but the only problem is I really need a job! It seems as if no one in Oregon is even hiring! The one place that was hiring just might call me next week so I'm crossing my fingers for that one! Growing up is so difficult with todays economy and oh so very stressful. I'm also basically living off of my boyfriend which I hate, I'm usually very independent so the times I'm actually not I tend to get a big grumpy which is not good for the relationship of a couple of teens! Luckily, Kyle is amazing and understanding about the situation and doesn't really seem to mind which helps take the stress off of me. It'll also be nice to have my own money again! When I was in Arizona I knew practically everyone in town so it was easy for me to find a job so this challenge might actually be just what I need to grow as a person! Wish me luck everybody!

The first visit from my family.

I've recently moved from Arizona all the way to Oregon, away from my family. Well, my dad and brother were planning on visiting Kyle and I for spring break. I've recently received news that my mom is planning on coming up here also. In any normal family this wouldn't be a problem, but MY family is definitely not considered normal! My parents are divorced and tend to bicker a lot, on top of my mom and I bickering A LOT, on top of my mom having the most infuriating dog in the world! I usually love dogs but my moms dog isn't well-trained, bites, barks, and is just absolutely annoying! It's going to be interesting but I would never tell my mom she's not invited, we do argue quite a bit but she's still my mom and it's a bit tough being away from her! Even though it'll be an adventure having everyone in my tiny apartment I'll be very happy to see my parents and extremely happy to see my little brother!

Time Flies Once You Grow Up.

When I was still in high school it seemed like time couldn't go by fast enough! Every day it was the same thing the same drama's same type of work. Now I can't get time to slow down! Between school and looking for work and keeping my new apartment clean time is just literally flying! It's a good thing Kyle and I live together or I don't think we'd see each other! Today for example, he went to school early this morning, came home for a few hours (while I was doing homework) then left for work and he won't be back til tonight. We have so much stuff to do! We have to get our mailbox key changed, renters insurance, and a lot of different things involving work and the apartment. I'm not entirely sure how wer'e going to fit everything into the week but we'll figure it out! My plan is to just make a list, do things step by step, and hope that things begin to slow down.

First Apartment :)

Wow four more days! Today as I was driving home from camping, I realized my boyfriend and I will be moving in to our very first apartment extremely soon! When I was younger I always wanted to grow up and make my own rules and be able to have my own money with no responsibilities. Then you actually grow up and realize that it isn't that easy and it isn't that fun. A couple of college kids with part time jobs sounds more like a struggle to me than anything else! Plus on top of working for money and our education, we have to work towards our relationship. High school flings are never finalized but when you make a dedication to someone its a lot more work then a school dance, stolen kisses, and a few roses. It's scary!!!! And having one of my big fears be divorce doesn't help. My parents have been divorced since I was 8 and almost everyone I know has had or is getting a divorce, so how the heck am I supposed to know if this is a smart choice? Is the risk really ever worth the failure?

Priorities

Well, I guess it really IS time to grow up! I'm trying to make sure to get all of my homework done but tempting situations keep getting in the way! I play video games a lot and a new game is coming out this Tuesday called Halo Reach, it's going to be so difficult to make sure to do my homework BEFORE I sit down and play games. If I don't time will pass by and all of my work will be late when it shouldn't be! Another big thing coming up is a camping trip I'm planning on participating in. This weekend my boyfriend and some of our friends are planning on going camping for a few days so I really need to make sure my stuff is done! Looks like my Monday is already planned for homework then!

First Apartment!

Wow am I excited! This last week I've moved from Arizona all the way to Oregon and I'm staying with my boyfriend and his parents til we're able to move into our very first apartment around the 20th of this month! I'm excited and nervous all at once. It's very odd thinking that now I have no choice but to grow up! I have to get a job and pay bills and learn to cook healthy foods and pay taxes, I feel as if I still have so much to learn and yet I'm getting thrown into the real world after barely turning 18! Then again I wonder if any of us are really ready to leave the nest, we might think we are til we get there. After we are there we aren't so sure anymore! Having responsibilities is a lot tougher than most of us are prepared for!

Working in Restaurants! UGH!!!!

My first, only, and current job is at a Denny's. When I was first about to start I was so excited to be able to start making my own money and be more independent! Now I want to stay at mommy's house for the rest of my life. Luckily, I'm only a hostess so I don't get all of the rudeness from some customers but wow we get some mean ones! I don't really understand what drives people to feel as if they have the right to be rude to people who work minimum wage jobs. Even I feel as if people look down upon me and I'm in college trying to better myself. One of my co-workers actually had a customer tell her that she isn't doing her job right and she CHOSE it so she needs to work harder. We've had customers purposely make messes, yell at us, and not tip (which is depressing because the servers here only make 4.25 an hour.  We might work in restaurants so people think we should somehow help everyone at once but we're only human, we only have two hands, and we're all trying to make a living the best we can!

Moving, work, school, wisdom teeth!!

Well lately things have been kind of hectic!! I've been packing for my move to Oregon which I am crazy excited for! My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now and the whole time it's been a long distance relationship which is soon to be over with. September 8th I'll be flying in to Portland and won't be going back to the small town I live in now, which is an amazing thing. Besides packing I've dealt with work which has actually been really nice and I even have five days off which rocks. Then school which can get tough with my Anatomy and Physiology class but I make it through! The one thing that I'm freaking out about is getting my wisdom teeth out. People tell me that it isn't so bad but I'm absolutely terrified of getting shots and things like that. I get them out on Monday and yeah I'm just a tad scared, once it's over with I'm sure I'll be fine but for now... YIKES!! 

My best friend

Hi :) my name is Shanell Rae Baldonado, I'm 18 years of age and I'm working to get my associates degree. I've been through more hardships than one kid should handle but I'm ok with that because it's made me stronger as a person. The one thing in my life that keeps me fighting to do great is my younger brother, he's pretty much my everything! It's weird I know a teenage girl being so close to her kid brother but he truly is my best friend. I tell him everything and he tells me everything, we've been through a lot together and we can't stand it when we're apart. Our parents definitely made their mistakes and we would never be considered as "privileged" but we make the best out of a little.

I remember on his first day to school, he was in Kindergarten and I was in Second grade. We didn't live too far from the school so our parents trusted us to get there on our own. He was really nervous and started to cry when we crossed the street away from home and into an empty dirt lot. There were random mounds of dirt that surrounded us when he began to try to go home when I found a way to cheer him up. His favorite movie was The Land Before Time and the mounds did kind of look like dinosaurs in a way so I told him we should play a little game of pretend. We had so much fun pretending we were playing with Little Foot and Spike, so I told him that every day before school we could leave early and play on our new found friends. Every morning after that he was so excited to get to school he forgot the fact that he was leaving his home and it was worth it for me to wake up early so I didn't see my brother cry. He's 16 now and every time we pass that lot it makes us smile. :)