I'm just not used to this.

I've been in college for about a year now and it is kicking my butt. I'm used to high school and in high school we get breaks and summers and random days off. In college its term, few days off, next term- and it's kicking my butt. I've decided to take a leave of absence from Kaplan, mainly so I can attempt to find work so Kyle and I don't begin to stress about money at such a young age, but also so I don't start to falter even more with my school work. The beginning of my first term I was excited and so motivated, but now I'm starting to struggle with focusing and I know that isn't who I am. I've never had problems getting my work done, and I sure as heck am not used to turning in work late. So I have definitely decided I need a break even though it will take longer for me to get my degree, I would rather take more time than lose more of my sanity.

Teenage Romance is Dead

I moved to Oregon, far far away from everything I've always known in Arizona, and the main reason I moved was my boyfriend. I sometimes think he forgets everything I've given up to be here, including my brother, my friends, holiday traditions, actually being able to go out when I want, and my great job! I love Kyle to death but he doesn't always appreciate the fact that I clean, cook, and basically spoil him like crazy. I don't really ask for much but when I do I feel like I should be able to get it, even if it's something as simple as just watching tv for a night.

Today has definitely been tough on us, I've been extremely sick the past few days so I haven't been much fun and I haven't really wanted to do much. We had to do laundry all day long which made us both a bit grumpy towards each other and we've snapped for a few stupid things after that too! This is the most frustrated we have gotten with each other since we've been together. When I was younger I never understood how someone could start to distance themselves and fall out of love with someone they  once felt so passionately for. Now, I can see how things like that may happen, relationships are SO much work!! I love Kyle, he truly is my best friend in the world he just really needs to start to listen more and maybe even appreciate everything I am doing and have done for him. I know I'm at fault with a few things myself and I'm definitely working on them, I just need to make sure I'm not the only one making an effort.

Love and Heartbreak.

Heartbreak has always amazed me in many ways, people let others devastate them and take everything away from them oh so very easily! I've been in love twice, once with a guy I dated for two years and now with Kyle my current boyfriend. I've broken up with many boys and I've been broken up with too but whatever happened I'm still great friends with all of my ex's no hard feelings at all! I can understand how people can care for so much and having them slip away may hurt, but instead of thinking how they lost someone they should focus on the new adventures life has in store for them! I truly believe that every person has a soul mate and that fate will bring them together in the oddest of ways. Don't focus on how difficult it's going to be after a break up, don't focus on the good things of that relationship. Instead, think of all the things that went wrong and why it might have been a dead end relationship, think of the sad times and it'll be a lot easier to move on! I honestly have issues comprehending why people let emotions consume them so easily, I've never been heartbroken so I really don't understand it. I also don't understand how people can be depressed when everything in the world is so beautiful! It's really amazing how harmoniously the world works together to survive.

Christmas time!!

My favorite holiday, my favorite time of year, my favorite absolute everything! It seems like everything about this time of year (except for the cold weather) is just absolutely amazing. The foods incredible, hot chocolate has candy cane in it, everything is decorated and everyone just seems nicer and happier. I'm a usually happy person but once Christmas time comes around I get twice as cheery. The only downside is since I'm in Oregon I can't really spend the holidays with my family. So the one thing I requested from Kyle was we get our own tree for our apartment so it feels more like home! This will be the very first Christmas I have ever spent away from my mom and even though we fight I still love her and it's tough to be away from her. I'm not so sure if Kyle really wants a tree but that doesn't change the fact I want one. He kind of figures that since we're spending the night at his moms we don't need to decorate or get a tree or anything but to me it's more than that. I want to bring the spirit of Christmas in my own home so I can be happier here and feel better about not being with my own family this year.

Nightmares

So lately I've been having the goriest, scariest and most terrifying nightmares ever! I'm not really sure why but they suck. I tend to dream probably more than the average person and they've always been vivid and realistic along with really odd! Most of the time they make some sense along with what's going on in my life but ever since I've moved to Oregon they make no sense and are just absolutely horrendous! I don't think I should really go into details on the gory parts but the last one I had I was practically in tears. It makes me wonder if there's a reason or some deep meaning as to why they've been so off balance. It could be the one in a while scary movie, but even in my scary movie phase when I was younger they've never been this bad! Then I think maybe it could be stress, then I remember that I'm not really a stressed person no matter whats going on. Well all I know is they need to leave me alone so I can sleep!!

Ex-boyfriends and Ex-friends!

Before I met Kyle I dated a guy named Wilhelm, we had dated for two years and he was pretty darn set on us having a fairy tale ending. He actually moved in with me and my family six months after we were dating despite my young age. Things got a bit crazy between us and he became consumed with things I wasn't interested in and hung out with friends I honestly couldn't stand! After a while of unhappiness I broke up with him, because I am not the type to live MY life if I am unhappy in any way! He took it way harder than I thought, to this day he has completely changed from a happy, love life, goal orientated person to pretty much not caring about anything! The fact that he was such a big part of my life for so long makes it tough to handle it. To top it off my "friend" tries to get back at me by making him like her then dropping him the first chance she got. I really don't understand why people have to be so sneaky! I just wish I knew a way to wear he was happy again because he is one of my best friends and deserves better treatment than he's been getting from everyone he knows. Thank goodness Kyle, my current boyfriend, is as understanding as he is so I can talk Wilhelm down when he's really upset! The whole fact that I can still be friends with my ex without Kyle freaking out shows me that there really are mature guys out there that are actually worth my time!

Distance

Distance, this one word has haunted me so terribly over the past couple of years. It seems as if the people I love most are always so far away. I live in Oregon, my dad lives in Nevada, my mom and brother live in Arizona, and my best friends live in Minnesota. It's so frustrating wanting to have everyone I love near me and yet they're always so far away, then again it seems as if I always want to be somewhere I'm not. When I was in Minnesota I wanted to be in Nevada, when I was in Nevada I wanted to be in Arizona, when I was in Arizona I wanted to be in Oregon. Maybe I should learn to be content with how wonderful my life is right now. I have a great boyfriend, we have a great apartment and awesome friend here! We might get a kitten and things have just been all around great!